There's Been A Lot Going On

I've been thinking about so much lately

I’m writing to you today from the cutest little cafe on the corner of a bustling Melbourne street. I’m sipping away on my oat Hojicha ^.^ and feeling intensely inward, in amongst a mentally scattered crowd of people picking up their Monday morning coffees. It’s one of those inbetween weather days outside. Dreary and cold looking, yet unexpectedly sticky and warm. Its kind of awkward but it’s making this writing experience feel somewhat more romantic. That could also be the spanish guitar playing in the background, who knows. I imagine that a day like this, is a coffee lovers dream. The pessimistic weather, making it easy to buy into the addiction. Haha. I don’t drink coffee but I definitely get the aesthetic and if I’m feeling boujee, I do enjoy going to a coffee bar or cute roastery. How Melbourne of me.

Anyway. It’s been a huge time. I’ve been feeling simultaneously frozen and expansive; with many words to say and yet finding them all to be somehow meaningless, when they do find their way out of my mouth. I think I’m trying to be more conscious of speaking and thinking in general. As I’ve been noticing more and more how thoughts and words can begin to create a subtle chaos of confusion within the mind that can steam roll into a tornado of overlapping thoughts, with no escape route. I guess that’s how I’ve felt at times recently; like I’m in an escape room inside my mind, that I can’t get out of.

I’ve been noticing that this is a common theme with many of us at the moment. During my readings and general interactions, I’m noticing that people are ruminating on a specific topic of importance in their life and finding it difficult to see or feel a clear way to act. There’s a kind of pressure to it all; one that eats away, as opposed to implodes. Right now, I’m relying heavily on my blind faith in life, which definitely almost always falters and also finding deep solace in a good nap, or meditation. Sometimes being in your energy does a lot more than being in your thoughts. This is one of those moments.

There’s a patience required at the moment. Many chapters of our lives have closed and we’re not who we used to be; even when we forget to slip off our old skin or someone around us forgets to, unknowingly reminding us of a cursed past self that’s trying to die in peace. This has always been a re-occuring topic for me. The act of self-transformation and how it does or does not translate to others. Sometimes I wish that the inner changes I moved through would just be immediately felt by others; so we could instantly interact on a new levels together with little to no buffering caused by the limitations of the past or physical reality. A tall order perhaps.

Can we develop telepathy already? A topic for another day but I definitely believe in the concept and feel like a lot of the time we would be better off trying to sense and feel than just verbally or mentally understand. But I guess that’s a part of the physical process and making the unseen, seen. We go through the inner alchemical process and then get to ground it into reality by constantly re-confirming the new self in the face of obstacles, until it becomes solid. A beautiful and sometimes gruelling journey of self-discipline. The “slaying of the dragon” or “character building” as someone might put it. It’s all a part of the process of transformation; life, death and rebirth. A cycle I’ve come to know so intimately, the letting go part - so often against my will.

My advice through all of this, is to find something you identify with beyond just your mind. Thinking can make us feel or seem productive yet, oftentimes, bears no fruit. Or at least the kind of fruit you do get, is a sub par version that keeps you unsatisfied and playing out the same stale reality that you always have. If this moment was all about clearing out the old so your actions could feel more aligned and authentic; what would you still have to release? Therein lies the “work” and the key to everything. Release so you can begin again at the next level of your evolution.

You’ve changed. I’ve changed. We’re becoming and unbecoming at the same time; experiencing a strange kaleidoscope of shifting realities. You’ll catch up to yourself, the world will catch up with you and the wheel will turn again.

I’ll check back in with you soon!
Have a great day.
With love,
Taiyla